So How Did I Become A Walking Positive Affirmation?

Hellooooo everyone!

     Needless to point out, it's been a minute since I've written on my blog. Between school, travel, testing the waters of new things, and other responsibilities, blogging wasn't really on my agenda. Not sure where I want to take this site - who knows, I might reinvent it - without a doubt, I have an emotional attachment to this little corner on the internet that I created two years ago. Thanks for sticking around and taking the time out of your day to read my posts.

Well, I just wanted to keep it casual today and air out what's been on my mind lately. I would like to start with saying that anyone and everyone has the ability, at any point in time, to act in alignment to what your purpose is. It's never too late (or too early) to make the conscious decision to use your talents, take a chance, and start pushing for something you have always wanted to do. I have been there, where I took my aspirations and buried them deep in the back of my mind because I was concerned with living out some kind of persona to "fit in". When I was at this point, I was not feeling very fulfilled, and I felt like I was taking a whole chunk of who I am and letting her gather dust. I hope that makes sense. I know I'm always like, "in the last few years" this and "in the last few years that", but that is only because the last five years of my life have been the most pivotal periods I have ever lived through. How did I make the conscious decision to live my best life, not care about what others think, and experience every beautiful day to its fullest from dawn to dusk? Let me tell you how.

First of all, I want to highlight that shifting my perspective did not, and continues to not, solve all of my problems. I still get anxious, negative thoughts still creep up in my head, and I am not happy or upbeat 24/7. Because I am a human being. Growing up watching videos online, and being on social media overall, made me think there is some untouchable level of happiness that is flawless. I really had to stop myself and be like, this is fabricated. I have been reading about the concept of "miswanting" lately, and it's made me reflect. We think achieving or having something will make us happy, only to revert back to our original state after the high wears off. And this is not a reason for someone to not go after their goals, just to not expect happiness once they are reached. I had to understand that happiness is right now, because all we have is now. What I'm getting at is: a constant state of happiness is more than just the highs of receiving material things, as well as achieving your goals. Set goals for yourself, but enjoy life in its entirety. Clear?

I want to go back in time for a moment, back to when I first started learning how to become mindful. Mainly because I wanted to better myself as a human being, but also from a place of self preservation. In sixth grade, I began experiencing anxiety. And I mean anxiety. It was totally debilitating at times, and it's weird to even think back to that time, because I have tried to block it out of my mind. Now, I was vocal about it - I always talked to my family, and that helped tons. At the end of the day, though, it was my head and I knew that I myself was the one that had to deal with it to actually improve and think freely again. *If you are struggling, please speak to someone about it.*

This took years, and many bumps in the road, but I began analyzing my thought patterns and thinking more about why I was feeling a certain way. I'm not able to pin point exactly when this was, but I remember coming to a time where I realized that the thoughts induced by my anxiety are irrational. The more I gave into them, the more nervous I became, and the reason they were invasive is because I would work myself up by thinking I am not allowed to be anxious. I changed my approach. I allowed myself to feel. When I did this, I could feel a shift. There were days where I did not want to do anything, because I was so in my head, but I allowed myself to breathe and feel through it, because I knew it would pass. In the past few years, I have gone through a lot. We all go through experiences that change us.

I became aware of how negative self-talk makes me feel. Why be so self deprecating when you can build yourself up in your head, to your benefit? Complaining affects no one except for yourself. I had to learn this through and through. I had to choose to do the things I love, and change the things (I have control of) that no longer serve me. That is the point of this article.

You can change. You can change the way you treat others, and you can change your perspective on life. It is never too late to switch the way you see the world.

As I began expressing gratitude, I kid you not, I began living a new and improved life. I make the effort every single day to thank God for this beautiful life, and that I am privileged to seize a new day. When things get tough, (and there have been tough times!) I know that it is temporary. It is now second nature for me to catch myself, if I say something negative in my head, and flip it around to a positive affirmation. Throughout the day, I stop and pray for things! I reflect upon how to be better, and what an experience has taught me. I encourage you to do the same.

We are all here on this Earth together, not sure how and not sure why. Our only job is to enjoy life in a way that gives back, with a love that is abundant. Anyone can choose to see the positive.

Thank you for reading!
- much love, Suzan J


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